New Phases

As I finish a long and important phase of my life today, I find it interesting that I don’t feel the way I had always imagined. My personal triumph is overshadowed by a feeling of sadness that my fellow comrades are not crossing the line with me. I guess what I really want is for other people to be able to share victory with me. I care too much to leave them behind.

I will do my best to honor my successes and to apply myself to helping those around me succeed as well.

Infinity and the human experience

The other night I was looking at some images taken from the Hubble Space Telescope. In particular, I was looking at what is called the Ultra Deep Field which was taken about a year ago. In the image, scientists have identified over 11,000 galaxies. The light coming from these galaxies is 13 billion years old. They put this image about 1 billion years after the big bang.

I’ve also been studying hyperspheres and space-time for a project I have been working on. These are models of the design of our universe. It is not 3 dimensional like we experience it, there are more dimensions. One of which is time.

To get the Ultra Deep Field with the Hubble, they point it at a dark part of the sky. No matter where they point the Hubble to get these deep views, they see a uniform image.

As you look far away, you are looking back in time. The farther you can see, the further back in time you can see. No matter what way you look, you are looking into the past. Since the universe started as a single point, all directions point to the same place.

We don’t experience the universe this way, except in math and theory. It is impossible for us to see the world in 4 or more dimensions. If we could, think of the possibilities. We would experience time as part of space not as a separate entity.

I started thinking about infinity. Think of a line that extends infinitely, go ahead. Now realize that in the process of you thinking about infinity, you make it finite because you had to compare it to something relative which is finite. You can’t really visualize infinity thinking of it that way. We live in what seems a finite world. Now if you were to empty your mind, and accept infinity as something that never has closure, you would be able to experience infinity. Infinity is the blank state of mind. As soon as you try to think about it, you just made it finite.

The problem we run into in thinking this way is that we have doubt. It is our doubt that will not let us accept something that isn’t finite. It is part of the human condition.

In order to experience the world and universe in a higher level than what we do, we must be able to experience infinity as infinite. Open your minds and break free from your doubts.

Past and Present

There are things in my life that I have always improved in. In these areas, opportunities always seem to open and I keep moving ahead. I like to keep moving, I like it when life is smooth sailing from one point to another. Some people seem to do this all the time.
For me, life is double sided. On the one hand I am very successful, yet in certain areas I am always faced with problems. I try to apply myself as best as I can, sometimes extending myself far beyond anything I have ever done. I try to live a life that is conductive to improvement. The things that make me successful are things that I apply to my entire life. The odd part is that it doesn't seem to work universally.
I normally either get one thing or the other. Of course it is never as simple as 2 choices. Often you find that when you get both A and B, you loose C, which before that point you didn't even realize was there.
All I really want is to improve, be successful and be balanced while doing so. If I can find a way to do that, I will be happy. Im not sure why I have had such poor success getting things to balance. It seems that it may be contrary to existence in this world. What a foul thing that would be, to understand what you want, to want to become better and balanced, to be willing to do whatever it takes to do so and then to find out that it isn't possible.

What is the point continuing down this path, even the higher one, if it only leads to disappointment? The more I learn and the more I understand how the world works, the more I realize that the right thing to do requires me to give up myself and what I want. The more I do this and the further down that path I travel, I come to realize that no one really cares that I do this and that the world doesn't really want me to get what I want, which is only to improve, be balanced, successful and happy. Do I have to become a "Wrong" person to get what I want in this world? I guess that would keep me from improving, so really I still wouldn't be happy. I wish the world didn't operate like this.

I regress to the past, where I didn't know what I know now. I wasn't as good of a person, but I didn't know that then. Sometimes I want to relive that time. It was easier to be happy.

Giving

One of my goals in life is to be a giving person. Life makes this a difficult goal. It took me some time to find a way to be able to give and stay in balance. Sometimes this becomes a stretch, but I try to give to the world all that I can. Yet I found that I cant give to the world if I give up myself and abandon the tasks that I am faced with.

Another difficult part of giving is being a true giver. I learned early that when you give you receive. At least this is the way it ideally works. But it took me a long time to understand that you don’t give to receive. It is best to give for the sake of giving. Too often people become selfish and self centered in their giving, myself included. We make decisions based on what works best for ourselves.

I try to give when it’s not in my best interest, or better put when it doesn’t give me what I want and/or immediate satisfaction. This is a difficult thing to do. I always seem to hit a wall where I don’t think I can give anymore. I try to focus and look in myself and some how I end up finding that there is still more to give. In doing so, it seems I am helping to cut new paths and better define giving. It is probably one of the hardest things I have ever attempted in my life. Constantly hitting walls in my selfish nature, only to break through to hit a wall again, it’s a lonely path. Yet it has been rewarding. I’m not sure where it will take me.

Intensity and Purpose

Throughout my life I have had this trait. I can best describe it as being intense. In my youth, this would sometimes cause problems as I would take the wrong things to the extreme. I have since learned how to harness this aspect of myself. I got into computers in 1993, not knowing anything about them. Within a few years time I was an expert administrating a network of 500 people. That continued as I merged other disciplines into the position I hold today. The same thing happened with cars. In 1998 I had never done anything to a car beyond changing a flat and the oil. In a short period of time gained an immense about of knowledge. I became the top tuner for the Nissan SR20DET, and have the fastest 240sx in North America. This is how my life is. My latest endeavor is photography. I see myself moving in this new hobby at an accelerated rate.

In doing all of these things, and many more I have not listed, I have also been learning a higher discipline. That of higher purpose. I have strong skills in technological areas and also in music. These areas of hobby, interest, skill or of career may not seem purposeful on their own. Many people get distracted from purpose in some of the areas I am interested in. I feel, however, that I am working to bring higher purpose through these interests.

What does building a fast and powerful car have to do with purpose? I am pushing the envelope. I have achieved goals that many thought were impossible. And beyond that, I have done it with less effort, and less money invested than thought possible. Life goals can be achieved, don’t be discouraged when a goal seems hard or impossible. Cut a path so that others can follow.

How does technology help purpose? Many people get caught up in technology. It is easy to get fascinated with cool gadgets, I am one such person. I practice purpose in this by finding ways for technology to help people. Often doing a task on a computer can take more time than by hand. We must be careful how we use technology in our lives. That’s where I strive to apply purpose. I try to make life easier for people, to give them more time to focus on what they are there to do.

I am a visual person. Images are very inspiring to me. Think of the power of one picture.

Music is also full of purpose. When I listen to certain songs, chills go through my body. I feel a connection to that song. The music sings out to me and tells my soul a story. Think of how music can effect you. What kind of music do you listen to while you drive? While you work? While you sleep?

Rhombus Photography is up!

www.rhombus-photography.com is up and functioning. I still have a few more images to upload, but I need to edit them first. Im very excited about displaying my work. If you have any comments, feel free to leave them in the comments section of the site. Image names are located under the image.

Rhombus

Rhombus
-Pushing the Limits of the Square